It's Escalating

So maybe a bit of med-school related blogging?! I am slightly concerned about my return to blogging in the "real-life" setting. It seems that the possibility that somebody's uncle's friend's daughter on the other side of the family is in my class is at least 99% and that the possibility that at some point I will cross the line into inappropriate share-age of my life on the WWW is 100%.

Why continue, then, you ask? I have no clue. There's something about it. If I find out, I'll let you know.

And why the med-school blogging? Last night I was returning home from an outing with a group I volunteer with and as we entered the subway station we heard screaming coming from the escalator. As one woman toppled and knocked down another, and then another, the shouts escalated. Within about 10 seconds, the whole thing was over and there was just a crowd of people surrounding 1 woman on the ground, her leg clearly injured (no med school required to know that legs are not supposed to bend that way).

Within about 60 seconds, a 4th year med student (whom we did not know) has taken charge, and the 4 of us that were there together (2 second years & 2 first years) have called the ambulance, used our bags & coats to make her comfortable, effectively crowd-controlled, been moral support, and were taking orders from Mr. 4th year.

The next 60 minutes were more of the same. Yes, Mr. 4th year had a stethoscope and was receiving all sorts of pertinent patient info. But we felt a little uncomfortable with not putting her hat back on to keep her warm, and aren't you supposed to keep all sprained ankles IN shoes?! I understand we should check her tibial pulse, but she'd probably be in a lot less pain if we had done that with her shoe on. Using words like "swelling" instead of "ascites" might have been helpful, and I was quite proud when my 1st-year-friend won the "guess that diuretic" game (to be fair, we learned about kidneys last week...)

ANYWAY, all that to say that it felt a little cool to have some level of understanding about what was going on. And a lot cool to be able to help out. It felt a bit un-cool to have doubts about my own capabilities, but it felt even more un-cool to have doubts about Mr. In-Charge's decisions. Not that this woman's well-being was ever at stake, but would I have made a different decision?! Even in the heat of the moment?!

And that's when I realized that I will probably spend the next 15 years of my career re-playing those 4-5 statements/questions in my mind, over-and-over again, with escalating responsibility levels and escalating consequences.

As irony would go, we learned all about abdominal exams the following day (I'd watched curiously as Mr. 4th year did one last night, noting that I did not know what he was checking for, exactly), and so I had the chance to re-play those question/statements in my mind sooner than expected. And well, I'm definitely still at the "doubts on my own capabilities" stage, although realizing that that can-- and will change.

The only thing I'm unsure about is that it's escalating on an escalator. Last night, the only thing that made the escalator stop was a chain-reaction of toppling people and a LOT of chaos. In the hospital setting, more than at any other time in my life thus far, I feel like I'm on board that escalator - with a lot of random knowledge and increasing responsibility and yet, not enough control to do anything with it but go in circles.

I guess I can always hope, as this woman was, that I will be surrounded by med students - which I likely will be.

Or maybe take a stab at those stairs? Possibly a lot more work, but a more assured way of making it to the top ;-)